More Programmer Jokes
Q: Why don't jokes work in octal?
A: Because 7 10 11
(hint: 7 8 9)
I called the janitor the other day to see what he could do about my dingy linoleum floor. He said he would have been happy to loan me a polisher, but that he hadn't the slightest idea what he had done with it. I told him not to worry about it - that as a programmer it wasn't the first time I had experienced a buffer allocation failure due to a memory error.
A group of ten top software engineers is sent to a class for aspiring managers. The teacher walks and asks this question:
"You work for a software company which develops avionics (software that controls the instruments of an airplane). One day you are taking a business trip. As you get on the plane you see a plaque that says this plane is using a beta of the software your team developed. Who would get off?"
Nine developers raised their hands. The teacher looked at the tenth and asked, "Why would you stay on?"
The tenth said, "if my team wrote the software, the plane would not get off the ground, much less crash."
A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep. A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn't.
Saying that Java is nice because it works on every OS is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on every gender.
The fantastic element that explains the appeal of games to many developers is neither the fire-breathing monsters nor the milky-skinned, semi-clad sirens; it is the experience of carrying out a task from start to finish without any change in the user requirements.
Drug dealers:
* Refer to their clients as "users".
* "The first one's free!"
* Have important South-East Asian connections (to help move the stuff).
* Strange jargon: "Stick", "Rock", "Dime bag," "E".
* Realize that there's tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.
* Job is assisted by industry's producing newer, more potent mixes.
* Often seen in the company of pimps and hustlers.
* Their product causes unhealthy addictions.
* Do your job well, and you can sleep with sexy movie stars who depend on you.
Software developers:
* Refer to their clients as "users".
* "Download a free trial version..."
* Have important South-East Asian connections (to help debug the code).
* Strange jargon: "SCSI", "ISDN", "Java", "RTFM"
* Realize that there's tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.
* Job is assisted by industry's producing newer, faster machines.
* Often seen in the company of marketing people and venture capitalists.
* Their product causes unhealthy addictions - DOOM. Quake. SimCity. Duke Nukem 3D.
* Damn! Damn! DAMN!!!
A: Because 7 10 11
(hint: 7 8 9)
I called the janitor the other day to see what he could do about my dingy linoleum floor. He said he would have been happy to loan me a polisher, but that he hadn't the slightest idea what he had done with it. I told him not to worry about it - that as a programmer it wasn't the first time I had experienced a buffer allocation failure due to a memory error.
A group of ten top software engineers is sent to a class for aspiring managers. The teacher walks and asks this question:
"You work for a software company which develops avionics (software that controls the instruments of an airplane). One day you are taking a business trip. As you get on the plane you see a plaque that says this plane is using a beta of the software your team developed. Who would get off?"
Nine developers raised their hands. The teacher looked at the tenth and asked, "Why would you stay on?"
The tenth said, "if my team wrote the software, the plane would not get off the ground, much less crash."
A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep. A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn't.
Saying that Java is nice because it works on every OS is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on every gender.
The fantastic element that explains the appeal of games to many developers is neither the fire-breathing monsters nor the milky-skinned, semi-clad sirens; it is the experience of carrying out a task from start to finish without any change in the user requirements.
Drug dealers:
* Refer to their clients as "users".
* "The first one's free!"
* Have important South-East Asian connections (to help move the stuff).
* Strange jargon: "Stick", "Rock", "Dime bag," "E".
* Realize that there's tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.
* Job is assisted by industry's producing newer, more potent mixes.
* Often seen in the company of pimps and hustlers.
* Their product causes unhealthy addictions.
* Do your job well, and you can sleep with sexy movie stars who depend on you.
Software developers:
* Refer to their clients as "users".
* "Download a free trial version..."
* Have important South-East Asian connections (to help debug the code).
* Strange jargon: "SCSI", "ISDN", "Java", "RTFM"
* Realize that there's tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.
* Job is assisted by industry's producing newer, faster machines.
* Often seen in the company of marketing people and venture capitalists.
* Their product causes unhealthy addictions - DOOM. Quake. SimCity. Duke Nukem 3D.
* Damn! Damn! DAMN!!!